It's been some time since I've posted. My sister passed away in August 2012 and I went through a great deal because of that and had some trauma happen in my life as well. I'm now recovering, slowly. Losing my sister was unlike any other death I had ever experienced; she was only 18 months older than me and we had shared a closeness that was similar to being twins in our childhood. We were both survivors of abuse at the hands of men, but she seemed to draw inwards whereas I sought help. I will always wonder what could have been if she had reached out a hand for help. I believe she would have flourished. But living with regrets and in the past is not living at all. I have learned that in the last year and a half.
I became very ill after my sister died. I found out I had a large ovarian cyst and almost a year ago went in to have surgery to have it removed. Unbeknownst to me, my doctor called in a general surgeon to remove scar tissue as well. I bled for 7 months straight after the surgery and was very weak, bedridden. The doctor who performed my surgery cut me off, severing our doctor patient relationship after I had called, concerned about the bleeding. I had to move and my car died. I had to wait for months before being able to see another doctor who could help me and by then the bleeding had stopped. I just wanted to know why I had been so sick and bleeding. The answer I received was that I had lost a lot of weight and it had thrown my system and hormones off. That may be the case but it seems odd that it happened to coincide with the surgery. At any rate, I am finally feeling better.
I have recently started to write poetry again and it makes it easier to cope with my emotions about the loss of my sister, being away from my daughter and the trauma I experienced just after my sister died. Some days are still hard and I deal with them as they come. I am still sober and thank God for this. I had always been worried about how I would cope with a death in the family being sober. I found out that while I didn't cope all that well, I did it sober and that was the most important thing.
I will attempt to post some poetry here once in a while. My main blog is on wordpress www.hawaiianviolet.wordpress.com so I don't often come here. But I will try to more often.